Thursday, June 23, 2005

Day One: Blurred

"The Reason Why Kisses Don't Dream" is the name of a sonnet I wrote several years ago for a creative writing class. I think I fell in love again, with myself, rereading it recently and then naming my blog here after it. That may sound odd, but it's not to me. No regrets and que sera que sera. Always live for the present. That's all you're guaranteed anyway. "Someone once said, 'don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.' Write that down." --Van Wilder

I have some work to do since I had to leave work before I could finish. And thus I'm here, procrastinating. The perfect way to do so, thanks to the Soul Writer for inspiring me. He is one incredible guy in so many ways.

I believe he was born to inspire others; of course, that's all gut feeling and I barely know him. But somehow I get a sense. He's somewhat a paradox, but I think he knew that already. Guarded truth spilling from his raised glass of lite beer -- there's always a reason bro. A hopeless romantic who plays love like an old beatup cassette, re-strung, so the crisp sound intermittently crackles. Not that I'm anyone to talk. On the edge of being a love junkie myself, I find my pleasures in the twinkling beacons in the sky, guiding UFO's to their homeplanet. Or the delighted moon, smiling down on young lovers entwined in holy ecstasy. Or desire blanketed near a warm hearth, smoke curling towards those beacons and the endless tides washing in, washing out, as they always have for billions of years before and always will billions of years after.

I used to imagine what my life would be like "if." Now, my life is driving down a highway, the windows down, and the radio blasting Switchfoot or U2, singing as I go to no particular place at no particular time. Just going. Moving. Forward.

Being lost is more the focus than the fear; and for that I am thankful to God. Because the more lost I get, the happier I become. Why did it take so much effort to let go?

Lines from the Script of Episode
#414 "A Winter's Tale" Dawson's Creek:
DAWSON: At a certain point, the whole thing just becomes too much to process, and your brain gets taken out of the loop, and all you have to rely on is your heart, your natural human instincts. It's liberating... not at first of course, at first it's terrifying, like falling... but that's the point, isn't it?
JOEY: What's that?
DAWSON: If we weren't so afraid to let go, we wouldn't feel so free when we finally did.
That line has always been special to me. And I hocked it on streetcorners, held signs up to the passerby, but I don't think I ever lived it.

And then the world moved on. And as a gunslinger, I knew I couldn't forget the face of my father. So I aimed true. (Stephen King, Dark Tower Series-inspired)


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