Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Past Collides with the Present

You can never be sure how far the past is behind you. Things that were yesterday may be 100s of years past, and yet things from 10 years ago are alive and bump into you in the present. God smooths these wrinkles in the fabric of time for a reason.

I was driving along and an old friend, or at least someone I thought was my friend, was walking in a crosswalk in front of me. My surprise nestled in my head as I quickly switched my ipod to pause and rolled down the window.

"Hey M!" (name withheld) I shouted.

He turned and a smile lit up his face, as it always had. "Hey RJ." (name withheld) he called back. But he trudged forward. I meant to offer him a ride, to ask where he was going,

but I think subconsciously I remembered that I had friended him on Facebook and he hadn't accepted. I think it had to do with a long story from long ago. At least 5 years ago, probably more now. Something about a girl who likes control and me, fighting to keep myself in my own control. I made some poor choices and partied a bit too hard once and that seemed to end my friendship with her. If I didn't do things her way, I was out of her "it" club.

I don't think too hard about those days. I was on my way to figuring myself out. Where were my boundaries, what was I willing to do? The things and stuff of younger years. She wanted to own me, to rule my actions, and I failed to let that happen. And I drank one blue martini over the line of sanity, and felt responsible for everything thereafter. No apology was accepted and for me, I can't stay frozen in the past.

I liked a guy back then and was nervous about him driving up. It all seems so insane now, looking back. He's married most happily now (or so his Facebook says).

I have changed much since then. I've been living on my own for four almost five years. I have 3 cats. I've volunteered for animal rescues including the Westside German Shepherd rescue and the SoCal Siamese Rescue. I'm 2 jobs past that time, and several titles upward. I've grown in many ways and have managed to dig myself out of almost all of my debt.

I'm going to hold on to his smile. And I'll pocket it. Maybe if he's ready to be Christlike, he'll friend me on Facebook. But until God calls him to be a better man, I will continue on.

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Blogger Christian Bunny Gurl said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10/30/2009 9:24 PM  
Blogger Christian Bunny Gurl said...

I am Proud and Blessed! <3

10/30/2009 9:26 PM  

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