Thursday, October 05, 2006

Tonight, I Write

I haven't written in what feels like forever and probably was. I've had so many ideas and so much going on almost like life in reality leaves no time to reflect. Which isn't really true, because to be honest, a People's Court/Dr. Phil addiction certainly doesn't allow me the audacity to avoid writing.

So I write something. Anything.

As my little housemates wander around my living room, one usually crying incessantly to be played with, the other probably sleeping, curled up against the world. And a dark world it is. Yes the other is curled up peeking out of comfort looking for a token pat on the head. And perhaps I oblige, but just this once.

I've taken up a habit of listening to Progressive Talk Radio (1150 AM in Los Angeles) -- Air America for everyone else -- and I even listen all day at work, because the days have gotten long. And corporate. I find myself hating coporate more and more each day, and I fight it off because I think I was called to be a teacher the day I decided to be an English major, and only I have struggled against it. Not for naught - I have learned so much and I'm just not born of politics and the unfair rules and regulations and paperwork, and how hard work means nothing in the scheme of things. It's whether you can make numbers stay on a piece of paper, and ink it in a way that makes only you look good, but meanwhile pretending you were the only reason for it.

God hates liars.

That's why even though I didn't want to become SUCH a political blogger, I'm going to fall into one. There's no doubt that the more lies Hastert and Boehner (sp?) heap upon the sacrificial lambs' fire, they cannot live. Even though the real reason the Republicans should be banished from the House is because they want to torture men in homoerotic ways that they condemn, and because they think a dictatorship is safer than a democracy, even though those are the real reasons we shouldn't vote, or let them fix the vote, them back in -- the reason that will hopefully knock off the holy rollers who don't know holy from the back of a cereal box, off of this pilgrimmage to make everyone love Jesus cuz they said so.

I've loved Jesus since I was 'yay high' but I don't want people to fear and pretend to love Jesus because the holy rollers want it. That's not what I read in the Bible. So as in 1995 when I cried because a murder could be released into society because he made a billion dollars - I will cry if Foley isn't put in jail and punished as Gacy and every other sick human being is. Along with those "soldiers" who said they obeyed George Hitler so they tortured people who (yes they are people REGARDLESS of their beliefs and/or intentions.)

The more I cry for our nation, the sadder it gets. I'm still trying to sort out how someone who wasn't born of politics can fix this mess. Because everyone's just scrambling around at Capitol Hill to keep their job and the power and money behind it, so much like corporations, maybe that's why I feel sickened to work at the bottom of a Tribune/McLatchy union. Maybe that's the reason I despair at arriving to work on numbers that benefit crazies and purposeless fools who believe that a nation where everyone is the Same but not Equal is what America means, even though most people would disagree with it if they didn't clutch so tightly those beliefs that God is the Government. Because Clergymen sin as all men do. And sometimes I think you turn 80 and you forget that - that and the good ole days weren't all that good (see Grapes of Wrath).

I love God too much to cry tonight. So I write. Because voices must be heard and their lies must be lit.


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