Thursday, January 04, 2007

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

I finally found a moment to write. Time keeps falling away. But tonight, the keyboard couldn't keep me away. I was perusing my newest set of alums from college. Something I haven't done in about eight months or whatever. And there he was.

The guy with the green paper. Well, if you skip back to my very first blog on here, that's the guy. He apparently is married and has twin girls who are about a year old. Not surprising except I expected a brood of seven children five or six women. I truly am the JadedTLC.

I wondered at the story that became his life and how I am Jaded because of him; and how I let him have that much power in my life. How I love so hard. And let go so hardly.

How many people have passed through my life -- so many. Faces and names mingle like lost letters in your Alphabet soup. Swimming images, memories - not all good or all bad, just memories, dancing like sparks under the moonlight. I guess I feel finished and maybe that's not what I wanted. And whatifs are NoMores.

Sometimes I wonder why I am alone, and then I remember that I write better as I suffer. And I avoid the paper when I'm happy. The screen ever waits for me, and I never have to wait for it. My words comfort me. As only words can. Notably, this reminds me of that quote near the end of "Lil Miss Sunshine" where Steve Carrell's character talks about not skipping the suffering because that's what builds the character within and that was something Proust wrote.

How am I going to get my story out if I don't keep writing? Even Sir GFish reminds me to write and I guess I'm often afraid of the Truth. You can't write lies, because even wrapped in fiction, the Truth beams out on some form.

I am the cat lady. Loved by my furkids forever (or at least 20 more years), startled into reality by one hardened memory. Missing pain and "love like that" - the kind that we call first love when we really let everything go and just jumped, but realizing that is gone; too many roads are darkened, may I find the one less-travelled and build a lamp-post with a gas flame licking the glass, at the end of that very less-travelled road.

4 Comments:

Blogger Darkherostar said...

Hey, I agree with the logic. Yeah, I go back to writing when I'm in pain and leave when I'm happy too...never did noticed it til now. Thanks for pointing that out. :)

1/05/2007 7:55 PM  
Blogger grumblefish said...

Happy New Year to you, sweetie!
Good to see your writings again-
the process really helps one to
divest needless burdens before the
journey can be resumed. And though
one may feel dead, breathing and writing are ways to thumb our noses at what seems chronic, and serves to remind us that one is provably alive and kicking.
Keep it up!

1/13/2007 11:11 PM  
Blogger My said...

Okay I have been directed to look around and look where I went first - to your blog and this January post - After reading your post in its entirety and empathizing MORE THAN I CARE TO, I hope the reason there is nothing more recent is due to your happiness and not some deviant demise.

Jaded, what you think you become, so this will be the last time I call you "that" name. Blog, cause I want to see how you turn out even if you dont!

Intrepid Soul

3/13/2007 8:14 AM  
Blogger The "D" Enigma said...

About writing and reading - I do it when I am lonely - not necessarily in pain.

Intrepid Soul

3/13/2007 8:18 AM  

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