Thursday, January 12, 2006

Happy Birthday

Today, I awoke to a familiar tune in the fathoms of my brain. One that I'm sure some part of the RIAA has copyrighted and if I wrote any of the lyrics on here, I'd get sued for every penny I don't have and the figure would look like the typical RIAA member's paycheck. Oh alright, I'll write it regardless of them: "Happy Birthday to me.. "

Facing my last year in my 20s and the madness that follows that announcement, I may have a lot to accomplish this year. I'm just not sure what that is. Fearing the best and the worst, I suppose. Sometimes I feel vulnerable about all the change; sometimes I want to be in love. Then there are other moments when I'm excited and feel so secure in everything; those times I don't want anything to do with love.

After plugging away for 29 years, I'm standing at a pivotal part of life. Just another precipice that determines who I will be for the next decade that life offers me. (Also, assuming life does offer me another decade).

The moon was cold and pale last night. And the stars were twinkling. And a part of me wanted to cry, because I felt alone. But then my best friend came and we had dinner and I was sure everything was gonna be alright after all. I think I'm worrying about those big questions that come in your thirties (when are you gonna get married; when are you gonna start a family; where's your mortgage/house) that I can no longer shrug off by saying (I'm only twenty-something; I'm still young). Especially with all these risk factors of having kids after a certain age, I guess I do have a biological clock ticking and it is starting to get louder. But for now I can still muffle the sound so I think it's just a ghost of a noise.

So all of y'all who aren't at my precipice, don't worry so much; and live life to it's boldest. To the ones who've gone past me -- any advice? To the rest of us on the precipice -- let's hold hands and J U M P!


Blogger Leese said...

Holy're OLD...just kidding. Happy belated birthday! I hope you had a good one!

1/15/2006 12:20 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ah! happy birthday luvvie! Hope you had a fabulous time.

And if ever you feel lonely and wish you had a boyfriend, just focus on the shitty things that you would have to do if you were in a relationship: compromise, sacrifice, organise your time better, play mind games etc. It's all just a load of hassle. Better off without :)

1/15/2006 1:46 PM  
Blogger kidokay said...

I'm in agreement with Jen. If you've got shit you need to do, you ain't gonna get it done while falling in love. There's time. You've just got to use it like you mean it. Like you want it. Good luck and Happy Birthday.


1/19/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger grumblefish said...

A belated Happy Birthday, Jaded! It sounds as though you're weighing the pros
and cons of a lifestyle which you govern
(and take full reponsibility for outcomes)
and one in which you may not always have
the last say. That's a tough choice! Making
it, and going on with your life, is really
easier than the process of deciding. Letting
someone in, who might accidentally bump the
controls and send your life off in different
direction, is a pretty scary notion. On the other hand, you may have some very
strong personality traits that would
only come into bloom, in an ongoing
relationship or family. The rewards can be
pretty sizable, but may not be something
tha one can hedge against.

1/22/2006 11:23 PM  

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