Have you ever wondered at how time keeps chugging along? I really don't understand how I keep doing the same thing every day. And even when I'm bored, I still do the same things. Waking up guaranteed.
Ever felt alive? That feeling of superimposed joy? I forgot it.
I used to wake up at Pepperdine and look out the window at a usually gray sky and sometimes you could see the great Pacific as a backdrop. I felt energized by experience.
Now I know I'm not done experiencing, but if anything, I'm stalling. Those breathless moments that nearly bled in my life, have fallen into a drought. They are rare times, and only a small reservoir in the desert.
Most of all, I miss falling in love. How do you let go when you've hurt so much?
I reason that I read other people's love stories; their serious thoughts when they blog about the drama they enthrall in. Almost as if I can taste romance on a Baskin Robbins' sized spoon. It leaves you feeling hungry and unsatisfied, but I still do it. The day the music died, came but I don't remember what day that was. When was it? Manufactured infatuation isn't any consolation to these questions either.
I searched high and low. I know I'm human, but in some breath, I feel too serious to be alive. Too somber and controlled to truly live.
Perhaps, destiny will find me again, and of course, I'll miss stability. But until that day, I miss you.
Labels: desert reservoir water life living alive falling in love