Before London

I'm an American without the fortune of world travel. And in just 2.5 days, I will be flying towards that destiny. I'm nervous, and excited, and don't really know what to expect. And perhaps that's the beauty of it -- not knowing what to expect.

Even now, as I watch "The Butterfly Man," I don't know what to write. But I do not want to fall in love with London. No more than I did of Victoria. I only realize that the more I travel, the more I want to travel. I think I understand why God has not given me a husband to start a family with. God knows I need to travel. Sometimes that fact hurts for the lonliness when I hear the cackle of a toddler, or see the smile of a baby, but today, I see it in a different light. And I feel comfort and serenity.

Arghh.. no good descriptive phrases are coming from me tonight. And I don't know why except that there is a distinct feeling of loss somewhere within. Back from the risque side of me, status quo from here on out. I'm gazing at an island I once visited, and reminiscing about the time spent there.

And now I'm thinking about a memory that hasn't even begun yet. I'm formulating expecation and precious thoughts under blustery winds where Sherlock Holmes is ever-searching with Dr. Watson to save the world from the likes of Jack the Ripper. And an eerie wind blows the names of the millions of slaughtered townspeople, headless and sorrowful. Killed for religion, as many have sacrificed for centuries, but somehow the history of my home language resounds with a tinkling sound.

Well, cheers. And I'll raise a glass of Guiness for you too.

Tier Two

Dedicated to Maverick

Tier One

These are the people you are really interested in. You will drop all plans to spend time with them. And most of the time they are your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Tier Two

These are people you are willing to make plans with. These individuals are very high up on the priority list, although not necessarily consuming your mind.

Tier Three

These are "last-minute" folks. If you are being called at 6 pm to hang out at 8 pm, hold no doubt - you are NOT a priority in her/his mind.

Tier Four

You are a booty call. Make no mistake about it. This means that your "friend" scanned the club scene, couldn't find anything decent and now it's 1am and you're suddenly on the radar. Gimme a break folks, don't hang on to these jerks.

---

I write this because there was nearly a miscommunication with a "friend." Falling in love is not much of a factor for me -- not towards him. Realization of facts and no longer fantasies changed all that.

I've gone the route of broken heart many a year ago and arrived here. Although I no longer deny the existence of love, I do not see myself standing there in this next breath.

Faded are the memories of joy and agony, like the yellowed edges of a document from the late 1800s. I've stared down the barrel of reality for far too long, and until recently, I had not realized my full potential. My heart could be captured and capsized, but not so easily as once upon a time.

Perhaps, I underestimate the power of it, but that does not disturb me. Should it overpower without my notice, I would gladly embrace it, if only for the moment of the first star blinking in the nighttime sky, the moment before the sun lands on the ocean, the moment a seedling rises through the warm soil.

And now I'm watching Dr. Phil -- and he's talking about cheating spouses. And it wrenches my gut. How can you pledge true love forever to someone and just trash it? I cannot understand why you don't just leave someone instead of pushing them through a hurricane and a half. I cannot comprehend that idea.

So I will be using this phrase going forward:

My heart: You break it, You buy it.

Vacation, Please?

Santa Monica is Manhattan's wannabe younger sister. It used to be filled with this old-tyme charm, but now it's just another Banana Republic after another Guess? after another Sephora. And yet, the mindless wander its wiped streets and the pitiful beg from the sidewalks. Signs held high, "Homeless, need food; drugs; blah" as if we're moronic and not just uncaring, as we stride by you and your cardboard announcement.

And seriously, the lady growled at herself, and then with her hand, not unlike the Trump-viper, formed a claw at some invisible foe, invisible to us anyway, as we strode many feet away. Her growl was fierce, like that of a Pomeranian, in fact her hair also reminded me of that small pooch.

So I tread my mighty steps, the first time in forever without music attached to my ears. I could hear the tinny off-key sound of the Star Wars theme blaring from another performer looking for his/her next big break. Hollywood -- the city of creativity where nothing really gets created.

It just dredges up the old and pushes it's marketing goals as if it is new. And we're cornfed it, chomp, chomp, chomp. 'Yeah, that there shore is a good'un' we mutter under the dynamic lights of the projection screen.

To tell you the truth, after the retreat this weekend, I found myself nearly exuberant inside. Just happy to be. Even a postponed date and a patronization session with one called friend, didn't put a damper on my chipper spirit. I do hope this holds up under the baking arid sun in Laughlin, Nevada; which I should mention is just a mere Wednesday and Thursday away from here.

And amidst my reverie, I am beginning to practice my "brit slang," as London looms just 2 weeks, ahh 14 days, that's it folks, fourteen sets of 24 hours, away. Do be polite. Do not bugger anyone over. Do cash in a lot of quid. Do not have a row with anyone. And that said, I feel so much closer to December. --

"525, 600 minutes...525,000 moments how do you measure a year?" -RENT!

The Google Name Game

I found this posting about putting Your_Name + Needs in quotes and then writing down the interesting things that show up in search results. Here's mine (i've omitted my real name), but it's the gist:

• JadedTLC needs sex.
• JadedTLC needs a home.
• JadedTLC needs all dues ($15) as soon as possible.
• JadedTLC needs to be held and loved openly.
• JadedTLC needs to show that the city is going to take a proactive role in resolving the school problems.
• JadedTLC needs more friends.
• JadedTLC needs to blackmail a friend to get information about her blind date.
• JadedTLC needs to be given proper credit.
• JadedTLC needs to get to work.
• JadedTLC needs the help of river pirates to free her brother.

Teeheeheee! I'd love to be held and loved openly, maybe that's why I'm looking for friends -- and not just friends, but friends who will get me information on a blind date. By the way, where are you blind date?